Why Brave Sucked

As you can tell, I did not like the Pixar movie, Brave. I'll tell you why. 

1. It's considered a wonderful act of feminism. 

No. Just no!! 
Being a tomboy doesn't equal feminist. Being tough doesn't equal feminist. Not falling in love/not needing a man does not equal feminist. Being a total brat to your mother (even though Queen Elinor kind of deserved it) DOES NOT EQUAL FEMINIST. I don't believe Merida riding a horse and being a good shooter is quite enough to make her a good example of a feminist. Feminism actually means (which over half the world does not know) that you want women and MEN to be equal. Almost every fan of Merida is a man-hater, or at least every fan who admires her for her "feminism." Just because she didn't fall in love doesn't make her feminist and I'm fucking sick of people saying that. She was an awful role model for young girls. I know she wanted to choose her own destiny and all that gay shit and that's understandable, but she was a brat to her mother and was practically a bumbling idiot throughout the movie. And like Rapunzel, the writers made her "clumsy" so they could say she was "different." My reasons for why Rapunzel was a poorly designed "too perfect" written-a-certain-way character apply to Merida as well, only Merida is worse. Less annoying than Rapunzel, but worse. Merida is not only fooling idiotic liberals into thinking she's a good feminist character, but she was also portrayed as "brave" and "tough" when she wasn't. She fucking sucks. 

One thing that really ticks me off about people calling Merida a feminist is that she actually got saved by her mother, therefore she herself didn't do anything brave or feminist or strong. Just cause she wasn't saved by a man, idiots automatically think she's a feminist character. Also, she thought the way to mend her relationship with her mother was to SEW the tapestry. A girl sewing. That's a step back for feminism which no one seems to notice. (I'll admit, my friend Ben pointed it out first.) Even if Merida had done anything brave or feminist in the beginning (which she didn't, but you know, if...) this act would have just made any brave or feminist thing in the beginning mean NOTHING. How can people say Merida is feminist? All she did was whine about stuff, try to CHANGE her mother with a spell which is just wrong, give a gay speech about choosing your own destiny and shit like that, sew a tapestry, and then get saved. How can people not find Merida flawed? She had no justifiable reason to turn her mother into a fucking bear, yet people still think she was so great. They can't even admit she was a little selfish and stupid. EVEN if I liked her, I would still think she was selfish and stupid. 
This isn't important, but since Merida was into all that gay speech crap, why couldn't she just admit her mistake and tell people she turned her mom into a bear, that way her dad wouldn't've tried to fucking kill Elinor. Merida was a selfish moron. 

2. Even Rapunzel was better than Merida. 

As you know, I think Rapunzel is a poorly developed stereotypical unoriginal character who's personality was inconsistent and adjusted to her situation in order for her to do everything perfectly. She annoyed the shit out of me. However, Merida was worse, as I mentioned before. At least Rapunzel had some interesting and good traits, even if it only added to her too perfect personality. She was a dreamer, she was resourceful, and she had many (unrealistically perfect) talents. Merida had absolutely no good traits. She was stubborn and bitchy. I know it was her personality but she was so much of a raging c**t that calling her "brave" is just wrong wrong wrong. She was also just as inconsistent as Rapunzel. She had to be smart when the plot required it and she had to be tough when the plot required it and she had to be a cute naive klutz when the plot required it. Why is she worse than Rapunzel? When Rapunzel wasn't being an inconsistent tough bitch, she was actually sweet and cute. Annoying, yes, but she obviously had likable traits. Merida had mostly none. 

3. The movie is called "Brave." 

Why the fuck is it called that? I don't even know. I'm pretty positive the writers came up with the title first and then when they were done, they stuck with it. How is being a disobedient unpatriotic disloyal brat, defying your mother/the QUEEN'S wishes, and not doing your duty as Princess brave in anyway? All Merida does is get in bitch fights with her mother, sneak off to shoot arrows in the mountains and forests and shit, look at those gay wisps that were in the plot for no realistic reason, turn her mother into a fucking bear, and then make a gay speech about not wanting to get married. That was NOT brave. And what really pisses me off is that her suitors had to also say, "I don't want to get married either!" I know it had to have a gay happy ending but is that realistic? Everything had to work out for Merida and Merida only. Characters and plots changed in certain ways so it would work out for Merida. No matter how much she whined about crap in her life, it's obvious the writers were always on her side. Not that they shouldn't be. She's the main character. But there's a way to make someone the hero of a story without kissing their ass in ways that were supposed to be unnoticeable but were so fucking obvious. In conclusion, Merida was NOT brave. Stubborn in a good way and independent, yes. But also a fucking brat and in no way brave. Elsa, Anna, and even Rapunzel were more brave than Merida. Especially Elsa. 

4. It wasn't that funny. 

Some parts were. But this is PIXAR. I expected better. Even Tangled was funnier and it was a Walt Disney production, whose specialty isn't comedy. Pixar is supposed to be humorous. Also, any actually remotely funny parts were automatically unfunny and weird because of the seriousness of the mother-daughter feud. The mother-daughter conflict was somewhat relateable and personal to me which is why I find it way too serious probably. But still. Those parts had no humor and whenever they had a funny part in that movie, it just seemed really out of place and WEIRD. Again, I'll remind you this is PIXAR. The Pixar that gave us the Toy Story movies, Up, and The Incredibles, which were all funnier and better developed than Brave. And I just wanna say that out of all the funny parts in Brave, none of them included Merida. 

5. Queen Elinor. 

For so many fucking reasons. In some ways I'll defend her. In others, I can tell you why she was also a raging c**t like Merida. She was obviously a close-minded over-conservative control-freak bitch. But I'll give her credit when she burned Merida's bow that she actually felt bad about it. Merida had and still feels no remorse for what she did to the tapestry. Merida had the better side obviously and Elinor was in the wrong, but Merida's points were bad (so were Elinor's, actually) and she was such a brat that it's hard to take her side. I still agree with her, but I think worse things than getting married could have happened. Merida acted like she was never gonna get married EVER to ANYONE EVER, so marrying someone you don't know wouldn't be bad in that case. Just ignore them, or at best be their friend. Anyway, back to Elinor. She was obviously acting like a skank on her period, but I sympathize more with her because she wasn't such a bitch like Merida. Also, another reason I pity the queen but also why she was very poorly developed and a crappy character is that she was portrayed as the "villain" for most of it yet only bad things happened to her. I hate when that happens. It's most common in shows for little kids, which I find more acceptable. But when bad things only happen to the antagonist, I find it super annoying. No matter what people say, nothing really horrible happened to Merida. I mean if you think of it in basic terms, yes she was oppressed and bossed around and no one listened and crap like that, and that wasn't a good thing, but Merida's character was taken way too seriously by the writers. Her only imperfections were so they could say she had some imperfections. She otherwise got her way and nothing bad happened to her. Elinor- mostly while she was in bear-form- was the butt of a lot of jokes. That didn't happen to Merida's character at all. When watching/reading something, you can (maybe not you, but I can) feel how the writer meant for things to be even if it was written to be a different way. Merida was written as a "perfect" character. Yes she had flaws, but only to say she had them which makes them not flaws. The writers couldn't possibly make anything bad happen to Merida unless it made her look cute or unique (from other Disney Princesses) or made her look like an oppressed underdog. Because of this, she was not unique, cute, an underdog, and most of all she was NOT brave. In any fucking way. Basically, Elinor and Merida were both badly written characters on their periods. 

6. Even after all the ass-kissing the writers did on Merida, she still didn't win in the end. 
I know this should be a good thing. But it's not. Here's why. Merida's ONLY good trait was being independent and wanting her own destiny. She shouldn't've been a bitch about it like she was, but she was still right about how she shouldn't have to marry someone she doesn't know just because she's a princess. She had the better side, but again, she handled it in a bad way. But anyway... That was her ONLY admirable trait and the ONLY reason she should be considered a good role model for girls. But in the end, she didn't win. She did in the fact she didn't have to get married, but SHE had to apologize to her mother. She should have apologized for the bear incident, but other than that, her mother should have apologized. Basically what I'm saying is, Merida's ONE good image to girls and even boys was standing up for what she believed in, and that didn't even get her anywhere. I know the writers wanted there to be a gay happy ending and made the main character apologize, but it was just stupid. It made Merida less of a bitchy character, I'll admit, but I think her JUST apologizing for the bear-thing would have sufficed. Instead, SHE had to reconcile with her mother. Her strong-will and independence didn't get her shit. That is a BAD example to kids. 

LASTLY... 

I quickly want to mention the parallels and differences between "How to Train Your Dragon" and "Brave." Both involved a viking-like medieval setting. Both involved same gender parent and kid conflict. And Hiccups parents look a Hell of a lot like Merida's. "How to Train Your Dragon" was better than "Brave." It had a better plot, it was funnier, and it was way better developed. Also, in the sequel to How to Train Your Dragon, Hiccup honors his father despite their conflicts by taking on his duty as Chief of Berk. Merida had duties too, but of course she didn't have to actually do them in the end and of course everyone had to be okay with that, written so she could get her way and only her. 

In conclusion, Brave had a ridiculous plot, Merida was a raging bitch and so was her mom, half the characters were boring and/or unlikable, the characters were written so fucking poorly, and it was NOT a step in the right direction for feminism. 

Let's be honest. Merida was basically Katniss Everdeen in a dress living in Scotland, only she's a raped and less positive version. Katniss is a better feminist figure, but both had to be unrealistically perfect with a bow. I'm sure by now it's clear that I thought Brave was a piece of shit. It made Tangled look good. That's how shitty it was. 

-Lilly J.