Why Tangled Sucked

This is a post on why I didn't like Tangled, the Disney movie. And in case you're wondering, I did not just see the movie. I saw it when it came out on DVD. But people are still hyping about it and also annoyingly comparing it to Frozen, so here's my review. Here's why I didn't like it.

1. Rapunzel was fucking annoying.

Yeah. I said it. Rapunzel was the epitome of a typical Disney princess with mainly the annoying traits standing out. She looked just like Ariel in the face and acted like her too, only Ariel was somehow less annoying. She had flaws and a good reason for her rebellious behavior. Rapunzel was just plain annoying. At first she's cute and everything but then she tries to act all tough with the frying pan shit. Instead of it being a desperate, failed attempt at being tough- which would have made her character more consistent and cute- she acted like a fucking bitch. She tried to be tough AND cute, and it just came out wrong. In Frozen, Anna tried to act all tough when talking to Kristoff- when she asked him to take her to the mountains- but it was obvious she didn't know how to act tough and it was written to make it look like she was trying to be tough but failed, which is what they should have done with Rapunzel if they wanted her to be cute. If Anna had acted cute in the beginning but then acted like a bitch when she wanted something- the way Rapunzel did, she would have also been annoying. Instead, Anna got her way because she made a deal with Kristoff. (I know Rapunzel made a deal too, but that frying pan didn't hurt in her getting her way.)

Using the pan to get her way 

Being a total bitch 

Anna was also more reasonable in dealing with people, by trying to talk to them- not hitting them with a frying pan or singing and dancing. She in no way was violent- like Rapunzel, nor annoying like Rapunzel. What made Rapunzel so annoying was she got everything she wanted and didn't have to work. Rapunzel's only given flaw is that she's a bit clumsy. It was supposed to add to her "cuteness" and it did, but to be likable, she had to have other traits. Anna was clumsy, but had other flaws, such as awkwardness and traits people could relate to. When she acted silly, it was cute and funny. Rapunzel tried too hard to be "cute" and ended up super annoying. And when she acted silly, it was often cringeworthy. She tried too hard to be "perfect." She suddenly got smart at the end when she realized she was tricked by Gothel. She was basically like the old Disney Princesses, only they made her tough to say she was different from other Disney Princesses, and her character was just a fail. The writers tried way too hard to make her cute. She was soooo annoying!!!!

2. Rapunzel was too slow at realizing she was the Princess.

I'm sure she knew about the "lost Princess." Then every year, the lanterns floated from the Castle ON HER FRICKING BIRTHDAY. AND she found that fucking tiara. When could she fucking put two and two together? She was so slow at realizing SHE was the fucking Princess.

3. She and Flynn were a bad couple.

I actually did like Flynn. He was a little predictable, but a better character than Rapunzel for sure. I think he and she fell in love too fast. And it was obviously supposed to be a "opposites attract" relationship, but it just wasn't developed enough. I think Flynn was more like a brother to Rapunzel. He also looked too old for her... Their relationship was just rushed too much at the end. Also, didn't Flynn say at the thugs' bar that he didn't sing or dance? When he got to town, he danced with Rapunzel and in the boat, he sang with her. So... what the fuck, Flynn? You're a thief AND a liar?
Kristoff and Anna's relationship was so much better. They obviously didn't agree with each other when they first met, but they had some chemistry and had potential for a good relationship. Plus, I think pretty much every other Disney Princess sang and/or danced with their prince, but Kristoff and Anna didn't have to. They didn't need to be won over with a stupid duet. They fell in love in a way more realistic way than not only Rapunzel and Flynn, but every other Disney Princess couple.

4. The ending.

The ending came too soon. It was rushed and underdeveloped. Also, I hate how Gothel is always deemed by fans as not that bad, or really really evil. She was selfish and had evil intentions, sure, but she wasn't the worst villain ever. And she wasn't good either, but I just don't think she deserved to die in the end. And I know she was evil, but Rapunzel lived with her for 18 fucking years thinking she was her daughter and when Gothel died, Rapunzel wasn't even the tiniest bit sad. Talk about cold-hearted. I know Gothel wouldn't deserve pity or sadness from Rapunzel after her death, but if Rapunzel had a heart, she would have been a bit saddened. Jesus. Also, I think Gothel after all these years would also have a little soft spot for Rapunzel too. She never shows if she did or didn't, but the writers should have made it look in the end like Gothel never liked Rapunzel even a tiny bit. I know that was supposed to be implied- that she was only using her and everything, but Gothel never said anything that hinted that at all. People just assume she didn't care for Rapunzel because they know the writers meant for it to be that way. It's never actually shown anywhere that Gothel had absolutely no feelings for Rapunzel. It should have been written so it was way clearer.

5. The Music

It was okay. It was tolerable. Listening to it was pleasant. It didn't make me cringe or wish for it to be over. It was enjoyable as you listen, but afterwards, you just don't remember the songs. I can't remember anything about how they sounded. I know the titles, and some lyrics, but the songs just weren't unique or memorable. I know every song from Frozen. Even after listening to them once. Even just listening to "Let It Go" from the commercials made that song stuck in your head. Every song was memorable, even the crappier songs like "Fixer Upper." The music in Tangled was basically a fail. I don't know if Alan Menken just stopped giving a fuck or he thought it was good or he was just thinking, "I'm Alan Menken. Everyone will love the music, no matter what!" I don't know. It just wasn't good.

6. It was too much like Barbie as Rapunzel.

Disney tried to sue another company for just using the name Snow White, when they themselves didn't even come up with that, yet they stole sooo much from Barbie's Rapunzel. In both movies, Rapunzel has a pink and purple dress, she has a reptile friend, her fake mother's name is Gothel, they're both secretly the Princess and they both paint. Disney so obviously stole the thing about painting. I think the Barbie Rapunzel had a better plot and the villain was more evil and the main character was way less obnoxious. Anyway, anyone who's seen the Barbie Rapunzel probably agrees with me.

7. Pascal was the smartest character.

Who would disagree that Rapunzel was kind of a dimwit? She unrealistically got smart at the end, but throughout most of the movie, she was a dumbfuck. I don't think Mother Gothel was all that smart either. I don't know why I feel that way. She didn't do anything particularly stupid or smart. She just seemed like the stupidest Disney villain in a long time. And Flynn... He obviously didn't use his brain all that much. I know he had to be somewhat clever to be the biggest thief in Corona, but if he was in today's world, he would be a jock, which pretty much equals brainless. And his logic at the end when he cut Rapunzel's hair made no fucking sense. I know they wanted him to make a sacrifice and all, and he obviously meant well, but he really put no thought into his plan. First off, where the Hell did he get the blade to cut her hair? Was it part of the dagger Gothel used to stab him, because if so, that's pretty gross for Rapunzel that she got her hair cut with a bloody knife covered in guts. And second, why couldn't he wait for her to heal him and then cut her hair? Because there's nothing Gothel could have done after that. She wasn't planning on killing Rapunzel or anything. Instead she probably would have sent Rapunzel and Flynn away and stopped taking care of Rapunzel. Then Rapunzel and Flynn could have left the forest and lived together or gone to the palace or something. What did Flynn think would happen to Rapunzel if he died? He cut her hair so she couldn't heal him and she could be free from Gothel, but then what did he think would happen? Where would naive Rapunzel go? I think she'd be screwed on her own without him.
This has nothing to do with Flynn's stupidity, but I just want to say- didn't he get stabbed in the gut? He conveniently took a Hell of a long time to die.
Pascal was the smartest character, which I think makes the others look pretty fucking pathetic. He communicated with Rapunzel, put Maximus in his place, and essentially killed Gothel, or at least sped her death up a bit.
So yeah... The characters seemed pretty f-ing stupid.

I  know she'd been locked away all her life, but shouldn't she know what the fuck a crown is? 

Even if Anna was a little naive, at least Frozen had at least one intelligent character. 

8. The title made no sense.

Tangled? I know she has long hair, but of course she was too perfect to get a single tangle. Did you mean metaphorically, Disney? Because that would mean the story or some aspect to it was messed up, confusing, or complicated and that doesn't make sense to the plot of the movie either. So what the Hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe it would make more sense if anything went wrong for the main characters, but of course everything worked out perfectly for them throughout the whole movie, so nothing was metaphorically "tangled."
The title for Frozen made way more sense. Hans had a frozen heart and so did Elsa in a way, the beginning starts with ice men chopping frozen ice for the ice business, three songs on the soundtrack use the word "frozen," after Elsa's powers were revealed, the kingdom was basically frozen, and at the end, Anna herself is literally frozen. And to some extent Olaf probably counts as being literally frozen too.
So yeah... The word "tangled" has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of Tangled. "Tangled" would make a better title for Frozen than it did for Tangled, even while Frozen had nothing to do with hair.
Now that I think about it, Rapunzel rolled around in her hair a few times and basically got "tangled" in it. That important part of the movie makes "Tangled" the perfect title! Now it all makes sense! (I'm being sarcastic, of course.)

9. Rapunzel's life had already begun.

She sings "when will my life begin?" but as she sang, it's shown through the various activities she does that she has plenty of things to do. She painted, did puzzles, baked, and played guitar (and of course she had to do them all perfectly). Her only ambition that she couldn't reach was seeing the lanterns up close, and her skills of painting and baking were way more important. Then after the boat scene, she claims her "new dream" is Flynn, which again is less important than her skills. But I guess she doesn't think so. Like I said, she wasn't too bright, so whatever.
I'm not saying Flynn wasn't important. I'm not being some feminist weirdo saying she doesn't need a man. Love is important. But she should have other goals in life that he should support. He shouldn't BE her dream. She obviously had tons of skills, but her only dreams were to see the lanterns and be with Flynn, two things she didn't need to do work for.

10. Rapunzel, like Flynn, is a liar with bad logic.

When she's held hostage by Gothel, while she makes the deal with Gothel to heal Flynn and then stay with Gothel forever, she says she'll never stop trying to get away from Gothel, but that everything can be the way it was before. That makes no sense. If everything was the way it was before, Rapunzel has to stay with Gothel, meaning Rapunzel can't even try to escape. She obviously didn't think her words through very well.

This isn't related to Rapunzel's bad plan, but I just want to mention it while we're talking about her being held hostage at the end. Like I said, she had an unrealistic level of hostility towards Gothel considering she thought she was her mother for 18 years. I know she got used and that would piss me off too, but neither Gothel nor Rapunzel showed any hatred or disagreements with each other until the end- just to make Gothel look like the bad person. I know Gothel had bad intentions, but like I said, I think Rapunzel should have still cared for her a tiny bit even after getting screwed over. They got along perfectly fine before Rapunzel realized that Gothel wasn't her real mom and then the two suddenly acted like they hated each other. Gothel could have possibly been acting during the first 18 years of Rapunzel's life- although probably not, but I think Rapunzel genuinely cared for Gothel until she realized Gothel lied to her. Being pissed is one thing, but not caring when Gothel died made Rapunzel look like a real bitch. I'll admit she looked slightly concerned when Gothel fell out the window and I know Flynn's life was on the line at that moment and was more important, but anyone in Rapunzel's place who actually had a good heart and/or a conscious would forever feel bad about Gothel's death. Once Rapunzel got to the palace at the end, she completely forgot all about Gothel and obviously didn't give a shit. Speaking of her going to the palace at the end, how did her parents recognize her if her only distinct trait as a baby was her beautiful golden hair? And after what Rapunzel went through, I'd think she'd be reluctant to trust people for a while, but the first thing she does is hug a couple of strangers because they claim they're her real parents. Like I said, she's not very smart.

So in conclusion, it wasn't the worst movie ever, but it wasn't great. Frozen was so much better. The animation in Tangled was great, I'll admit. The character designs were nice, the colors were vibrant, the buildings were beautiful, and they probably worked really fucking hard on Rapunzel's hair. My main complaints were they tried too hard to make Rapunzel cute and she was just annoying, the songs basically sucked, the ending was rushed, Flynn and Rapunzel had no chemistry,  Gothel is always considered really horribly evil which she wasn't or not that evil (she was evil), and it was too similar to Barbie's version of Rapunzel which no one gives a shit about.
There were some things that were good, which I'll briefly mention. The plot was pretty well written. And I think it's good that Rapunzel's hair was magical, which explains why she couldn't cut it and why she got kidnapped as a baby, two things never really explained in any other Rapunzel story. I think Pascal was okay, even though Maximus was annoying as fuck. Flynn was a pretty good character, even though he got kind of sappy at the end. And the last thing I want to mention is, the healing tear thing. Everyone thinks it was cliche, but I think they forgot that in the original story of Rapunzel, the prince goes blind and Rapunzel cries into his eyes and he can see again. At least in Tangled, she had magic in her and it could be explained why it healed him.
Anyway, the movie was okay, but overhyped and I feel that Disney didn't put as much effort into it as they could have, but at the same time they seem overly proud of it. And that's kind of fucked up.
That's about all I have to say.

-Lilly J.